


Premonitions

by tailor31415



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Dream Magic, M/M, Magic Reveal, Tragedy, brief mentions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 08:18:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/607756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tailor31415/pseuds/tailor31415
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes they were terrible, and sometimes they were wonderful. But Merlin knew that none of them were really premonitions. They were just his fears, his desires, come to life in terrible and wonderful ways. (no S5 spoilers)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Premonitions

**Author's Note:**

> ff.net repost

The first time it happened, Merlin shoved himself – legs numb and nonresponsive, hands shaking, back sweaty and sticky – from his bed, landing hard on the floor and shoving against the ground until he reached the corner. He curled around his knees and pressed his face against them until he stopped trembling.

Merlin spent the day in a daze, flinching at loud noises and jumping away from stray touches. Gaius tried to catch his attention numerous times and served a particularly chewy soup so he had a chance to question Merlin over supper.

"You are not a Seer, Merlin," he said, "Such a gift would have revealed itself before your…" His pause was long and contained a glance towards the locked door. "Sorcerery."

Merlin swallowed his last spoonful of soup and protested, "It was so real. It was like the visions I saw through the Crystal of Neahtid."

Gaius gave him a long, serious look, and finally replied, "Perhaps you should stay away from the valerian root tonic for a while."

Sighing and thumping his head against the table, Merlin suffered through Gaius' laugh.

 

Arthur turned from the last bandit and his eyes went wide.

"What was that?" he asked, voice an odd mix of hoarse and deep.

Merlin's hand twitched from where it was outstretched before him, fingers tingling as they always did after a spell, and he shook his head. "I…Just…I…"

"Merlin!" Arthur yelled, suddenly racing towards him with his sword braced at his side.

There was a sharp pain through his side and he felt his knees give way as the weight of Arthur's thrust forced him down, down, down.

His head struck against a sharp rock as he fell to the ground and light and dark flashed before his eyes. "Arthur," he groaned, hands bracing against the hilt of the blade piercing his side. "Please."

"Traitor," Arthur hissed, boot pressing against his chest and pushing.

Merlin gasped as spots began to cover his vision and he whimpered out a soft, "Sorry, so sorry," before everything went black.

Merlin woke with nearly everything in his room trembling off the ground, books and clothes spinning through the air. A deep breath to pull back in his power, Merlin felt the bed frame slam back down to the floor. The sheets were sweat-soaked when he pushed himself up, arms trembling against his weight.

"I'd never betray you," he muttered against his clenched fists, "Never."

 

"So, Merlin," Arthur said, brushing sweat away from his forehead. "I heard you've been keeping a secret."

"Arthur, please not again," Merlin sighed, turning from where he was restacking training swords.

Arthur blinked at him and said, "Oh? What's got you up in a tiff now?"

Merlin rolled his eyes and replied, "I'm sick of this. Stop confronting me. Obviously, I don't want to talk about this, otherwise I would have told you myself."

Brushing a hand through his hair, Arthur slowly commented, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Gwaine just told me you and he went to the tavern last night, but I don't think that's what you think I'm thinking about."

Merlin gaped at him for a moment and then laughed. "No, we, yeah, we went to the tavern." Arthur stared at him and he shrugged. "You always tease me about being drunk – that's why I don't like talking about it?"

Scoffing, Arthur back towards the knights and called over his shoulder, tone playful, "Teasing is for maidens in their chambers, not men on the training field."

Merlin pressed his hands against his head. He could remember waking up that morning, talking to Gaius, going to the kitchen and fetching breakfast. He did not remember falling asleep.

He was awake. This was real.

 

Arthur's gaze pierced into him from across the top of his wine goblet. Merlin turned to poke at the fire, eliciting a burst of sparks from one of the logs, and cleared his throat. "If that's all for the evening," he said, keeping the trembling from his voice.

"That will not be all," Arthur countered.

Merlin turned to find his stare had not shifted – his eyes were still burning into Merlin's from across the table. There was a glint of fire and gold from the goblet in Arthur's eyes, and they reminded Merlin so strongly of his own when he cast a spell that Merlin flinched his head away.

"Look at me, Merlin," Arthur said, voice deep and low.

Merlin stood up and brushed his hands off on his trousers and headed towards the door. "Sleep well, sire," he said, reaching for the door.

Arthur sighed behind him and Merlin heard the scrape of the chair against the wooden floor. His fingers twitched against the door and his other hand scrabbled at the latch. Just as the door began to open, Arthur's hands pressed down on the wood on either side of his head and Merlin felt the brush of breath against his ear.

"Turn around," Arthur ordered.

Tugging at the latch again, Merlin squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his forehead against the door. "Please, Arthur," he pleaded, voice shamefully breaking on his name.

"I know," came the reply, "I know."

Merlin felt what he thought was Arthur's nose brush against the back of his neck. Shuddering slightly, Merlin pressed further against the door. "You don't know," Merlin muttered.

"I do." Hands shifted down to his hips, pressing down slightly.

"No, Arthur, you don't. You couldn't possibly understand," he snapped back, shoving at the hands clinging to him.

Arthur twisted with his arms until Merlin was spun around to his back, slamming his head against the wood. "I know," Arthur growled.

Merlin shivered, he had been hoping this would not be a bad one. "Don't," he muttered, "Just let me go – I'll leave. I won't come back."

Arthur pressed him harder into the door. "I won't let you go. Not after all you've done."

Fingers catching and scraping at the latch, Merlin half-sobbed against Arthur's neck, pressed as they were together. "Not again," Merlin cried when he felt Arthur's hand press against his throat.

He closed his eyes and tilted his head back, baring his throat, as he waited for the squeeze. He concentrated at the rapid rise and fall of his chest and the pulse thrumming through his ears.

When Arthur remained still and silent for moments, Merlin opened his eyes slightly and peered at the other man. He was grinning, nose nearly brushing Merlin's, and Arthur said with a laugh, "Did I scare you?"

Merlin gaped at him for heartbeat and then gasped when lips pressed against his. His eyes slid shut again.

 

"Merlin," Arthur drawled, sprawled out in his chair before the fire. "Come give me a kiss."

Merlin rolled his eyes and collapsed down into one of the other chairs. "Why do I keep dreaming you want to kiss me?" he sighed.

Arthur blinked at him, "What was that?" He smirked, "I suppose it would be difficult not to dream about me, seeing me every day as you do."

Merlin paused in the rubbing of his eyes and glanced up at Arthur. "What?" he squeaked. "I'm asleep, aren't I?"

Glancing over at his bed, Arthur replied, "I certainly am not, so unless you talk in your sleep…"

Feeling a blush spreading across his cheeks, Merlin jumped up and said quickly, "I'll just be going to sleep now."

Arthur laughed as Merlin pulled the door open and then called, "Pleasant dreams, Merlin!"

 

"You enforce laws against magic, but then you allow one of the greatest sorcerers to run free under your very nose! Are you plotting something or are you really that oblivious?" Morgana taunted, slouched out across the throne.

Merlin stared between her and Arthur. This should not be happening again. Camelot should be Arthur's and Arthur should be King and Morgana was not supposed to be here again.

Arthur shot her a glare and turned his head away, towards Merlin. "Are you alright?" he asked, voice soft.

Nodding his head jerkily, Merlin averted his eyes to the floor.

"Little pet sorcerer, pretending to be mute," Morgana crooned.

Arthur's voice rang out then, sharp and echoing in the empty, bloodstained throne room. "What are you talking about? Have you lost your mind?"

"Have you lost yours?" she replied, voice calm and sweet. "Have you been ensorcelled?"

Merlin jerked and attempted to move back towards the door, bound arms and legs barely cooperating. As he wiggled, Arthur asked, "What? You…you think Merlin...that Merlin is a sorcerer?" He laughed, loudly, and then gave a cough.

Flinching again, Merlin thought of Arthur's bruised ribs and bleeding head and wished the man unconscious so Merlin could attempt to heal him. When Morgana said nothing, the only sound in the room Merlin's scrabbling to reach the door, Arthur spoke up again. "You aren't…are you, Merlin?"

Merlin sucked in a breath and turned his eyes back towards Arthur. The man was staring at him, gaze full of uncertainty. "I…" he started. He squeezed his eyes shut, "She's right, Arthur. But, I would never use my powers to hurt anyone and I only ever used them for you and I just –"

"Enough!" Arthur shouted, arms straining against his bonds.

Morgana cackled and tossed a sword to land before Arthur's knees. She sobered and then looked towards Arthur, eyes flashing red. His rope bonds broke and the man roared, jumping up and grabbing the sword.

Merlin yelped and scooted towards the wall as quick as he was able. "Arthur, Arthur, please, stop," he pleaded, shaking his head at the man, "Don't do this!"

He twisted his body to turn his head as far away as possible as Arthur charged towards him. Merlin grit his teeth as he heard the pounding steps grow louder and louder. There was a singing in the air from the sword as it swung in an arc.

And then Morgana shrieked behind them.

Merlin opened his eyes to see Arthur standing above him, eyes wild, and the sword wavering from side to side where it pressed into the back of the throne. Morgana was gone from the room, smoke raising to the air above the throne the only sign of her presence.

Arthur tackled Merlin against the wall and hissed in his face, "Liar."

"No," Merlin protested, shaking his head.

The other man remained kneeling before him for long minutes, panting and shaking. He slowly caught his breath and blinked slowly several times. "Have you ever cast a spell to hurt me?" he asked, eyes pressed shut.

"Never," Merlin replied, "Never."

"Or…or…my father? Did you ever cast a spell to hurt him?"

Merlin struggled against the rope holding his hands behind his back and leaned forward slightly as if to press his forehead against Arthur's shoulder. "No, I have never cast a spell to harm someone unless you were in danger."

Arthur breathed out a sigh of relief against Merlin's neck and leaned forward until Merlin's forehead did touch Arthur. "Thank you."

Merlin shut his eyes and sobbed.

 

He was almost used to it by now – waking up terrified or thinking himself dead or wishing to dream again because that one, that one was the one he wanted to truly experience.

Gaius gave him tonics that Merlin could remember taking to Morgana – when dark circles appeared under her eyes and she slept half the day trying to recover what she lost in the night – and Merlin wondered if this was what it was like for her.

If it was, he wished he had spoken to her more often. And taken her flowers every chance he had.

"How dare you! How dare you sit there and lie to me for years when I trusted you!"

"What do you know, Arthur? You…you don't get to sit there and yell at me! I placed my trust in you again and again, hoping you would change, defending you when others spoke against you, and you promised to destroy my people! To fight against magic! What do you expect? Of course I couldn't just tell you! I feared for my life!"

"I…I wouldn't have killed you. Merlin, I wouldn't have."

"I…how was I supposed to know?"

"Merlin…"

"No. I just. No. I'm leaving. I'm…No."

"Merlin, come back! Don't leave!"

"Go away, stop following me."

"I'll find you! No matter where you go!"

 

Merlin spent his days half-wondering if he were still asleep, failing in responding so often that Arthur began to giving him sharp glances and less orders, possibly in hope of returning Merlin to normal.

 

"I could barely believe it, when I first realized. You were a sorcerer, all this time! And then I watched as again and again you cast spells to save me. Me! The one who swore again and again before you to kill all of your kind! How can I ever beg your forgiveness? How can I ever thank you enough?" Kisses pressed all along his brow and hands and cheeks and shoulders and lips. "Merlin, Merlin, Merlin."

 

He spoke to Kilgharrah, and the dragon confirmed Gaius' statement that, no, Merlin was not a Seer, and then added that, no, Merlin was not cursed. He gave Merlin a bit of a sad look and said some nonsense about twisted labyrinths and tangled webs and Merlin had rolled his eyes and waved him goodbye.

 

"Merlin, I sentence you to death at the pyre, at dawn tomorrow."

"Arthur, please!"

"I give you one night, Merlin." A long pause, a swish of a red cloak, a rattle of chains as Merlin crept closer to the cell bars. "Get out of Camelot before dawn and I won't come after you."

 

Perhaps it was guilt, he thought, for he had heard stories of men driven mad by secrets – hallucinating confrontations and imagining confessions to spill their secrets. Perhaps it was knowing that Arthur trusted him above all others – he hid nothing from Merlin, and thought that Merlin hid nothing from him.

 

"Why did you get in the way of that spear, Merlin?" A hand roughly stroking at his hair.

"Why didn't you cast a spell to save us both?" A gentle shake of his shoulder.

"Don't give me that look – I've known for a few months now. You should stop using magic to polish my boots, you lazy sod." A poke in the side, carefully avoiding the blood.

"Open your eyes. Merlin. That's an order! Open your eyes and cast a spell and save yourself and come home with me and – Merlin – you better not – and we'll go home and – Gaius – come on now – Don't you da – Merlin!"

 

Perhaps it was fear that Arthur would be devastated if he discovered Merlin had all along been a sorcerer, using magic behind Arthur's back – and occasionally right in front of him – for years. In Camelot, no less. Arthur had faced betrayal from family member after family member and Merlin did not want to be the latest name on the growing list of liars and betrayers.

Perhaps, though, at least with some of them, they were merely what he wished would happen. What he wished could happen. That Arthur could accept him. That Arthur would thank him. He blushed when he thought of those dreams. Blushed and wished he could have them every night.

 

"Put him in chains."

"Arthur! Arthur, please just listen to me."

"Merlin, shut up."

"She's coming back, Arthur! With Mordred! They're coming and they're going to kill you and –"

"Someone, shut him up. And get him out of here."

 

So he suffered through his dreams - the bad ones - and suffered through his days, and Arthur begun to look more and more concerned. And so did the knights. And Gaius. And even the other servants, who sometimes gave Merlin a cold shoulder because Arthur tended to like him so much.

 

"So, all along, you've been able to do this?" Hands brushing down his side, tickling at his stomach when he didn't reply.

"Well, yes."

"You could have told me to sod off! You're the mighty Emrys!" A laugh, and nose pressed against his neck and a collapse of a warm body across his.

"I do tell you to sod off sometimes."

"And the stocks! You went in them how many times?" A kiss against his collarbone.

"Eight times? Or was it ten?"

"So loyal, weren't you?" Another kiss on the top of his nose. "I think that deserves a reward."

"A royal one?" Shuffling under the sheets and warm hands brushing against warm bodies.

"A royal one."

 

So, one day, when he was scrubbing the floor of Arthur's chambers, Merlin thought he had fallen asleep again when Arthur came in and said, "I know, Merlin."

Merlin sighed and turned to him and replied, "What do you know?"

Arthur shut the door slowly and glanced down at the floor and then away at the wall and his eyes flitted over Merlin for the briefest of moments as they circled the room. And he said, "I've been having these dreams…"

And Merlin burst out laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed - kudos/comments always appreciated ;)


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